The next step is to ask them what happened. I preface it by saying that in this office my expectation is that we talk openly and honestly and as long as they tell me the truth we will figure out a solution. Again, the purpose is to get them in a frame of mind to be honest. I usually tell them that we all make mistakes, but what's important is that we take responsibility for them, learn from them and try not to make the same ones over again. I want them to think about their misbehavior through a reflective lens. Based on this process the vast majority of the time they own up to what they did. Sometimes when I can tell that they're close to the truth, I give them a chance to start their story over with impunity. You'd be surprised how effective the 'start-over' works in getting students to 'remember' what really happened.
When we reach the point that they take responsibility for their misbehavior, I thank them for their honesty and we start talking about how they could have handled the situation differently and what the appropriate level of consequences are. Throughout the process I am intentionally trying to build trust.
Much to their chagrin, the next step is calling their parents. Again, I try to allay their fear by telling them that I'm going to explain to their parents that they conducted themselves maturely and owned up to what they did wrong. This is an opportunity to build capacity with the student and the parent on how to deal with these types of situations appropriately. We leave off with an understanding of what the school's expectations are and what the consequences are. In partnership with the parent we encourage the student to take the responsible step of apologizing to their teacher and letting them know that they will try not to let the same infraction happen again.
This process is designed to meet the objective in my district's code of conduct which states that the role of discipline is to aid students to behave acceptably.
The bottom line is that despite the reason that the student landed in the principal's office, it is an opportunity to teach a lesson about responsibility, consequences and trust.
We know as educators that relationships are the holy grail. Discipline is an opportunity to build and strengthen relationships and model a way for students to cope with mistakes from adults that they trust, not ones that fly off the handle and have a fit when something goes wrong.
Like social studies, science, english, math, art, business, tech, FACS, world languages, health, music and PE, behavior is an area where students need our support to learn skills to grow. We have to meet students where they are behaviorally and accept the responsibility of supporting them as needed, just like we do academically.
Practice this process authentically, firmly and empathetically and you will create a culture of trust among your student body and watch the rate of recidivism plummet.
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2 comments:
Well done, Dan. Your philosophy for these conversations so aligns with mine. Thank you for inspiring me to make these teaching conversations with staff and families. I will be writing a similar blog post soon!
BAM! Your thoughts resonate for me, Dan. I believe that working to establish a culture of trust is the most important goal one can have for his/her school. I certainly think you got it handled by using these three 'magic' attributes: "Practice this process authentically, firmly and empathetically and you will create a culture of trust..."
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